Is this it?

I don't know if you've ever come to a place in your life when you question existence and your calling...

I'm in that spot now. I finally have a full time job and I'm extremely grateful for that... but I know that's not what I'm here for. It's something much bigger than all that. I know it is.

I've been reading the book "The Barbarian Way" by Erwin Raphael McManus and in it it states " In the Barbarian Way, McManus calls you to return to the ancient, primal and dangerous faith of Jesus and His early disciples. Let go of a sanitized Christianity and get back to the powerful, raw, and ancient faith that chooses revolution over compromise, peril over safety, and passion over lukewarm and watered down religion."

Pretty cool, right?

And so I've been thinking more about calling and ministry...

My boyfriend and I have wanted to create a Christian theater company where we take Bible stories and turn them into contemporary musicals. We have all the resources...training, passion, talent and God on our side...

what's holding us or actually me back?


Fear.


As I'm writing this I have pandora on and the song "Yellow" came on by the band Coldplay and a lyric just popped out to me For you I bleed myself dry.  And I know Chris Martin wasn't thinking this as he wrote the song or even what this song is about.. I'm pretty sure it's about Gwenyth Paltrow or another girl.. but I thought of Jesus and how He bled on that cross for us. How he had so much fear but He knew that's what needed to be done.

In John 16:13 Jesus says...

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

Those words are extremely powerful.

I need to think about those words as I begin my calling in Christian theater ministry.. God already has our backs in this. What could stop us?

I also really like this passage in the book...

"Jesus is being lost in a religion bearing His name. People are being lost because they cannot reconcile Jesus' association with Christianity. Christianity has become docile, domesticated, civilized. We have forgotten that there is a kingdom of darkness stealing the hopes and dreams and souls of a humanity without God. It is time to hear the barbarian call, to form a barbarian tribe, and to unleash the barbarian revolt. Let the invasion begin..."

Our calling is not a glamorous one. Actually, it's going to be a tough road. Spreading the word of God is not an easy task. But I know Michael and I are willing to take on that challenge for we know it will be the most rewarding thing we can do with our lives.

I think a lot about this verse too from Luke 9:25

"What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self?"

We can have all the riches in the world... the house, the car, etc... but if we don't have Jesus as our savior we don't have anything at all.