Wednesday, October 26, 2011

A list.

I've been reading a few blogs today and keep seeing "lists for things to accomplish before 30" and felt inspired to write one of my own...

             Things I'd like to do before the big 3-0.

- Have a career (I just graduated college and am on my third internship and am trying to patiently wait for a job offer but I know it's all in God's planning)

- Learn to play the piano. (I've been training in voice since I was 14 and randomly took piano lessons but never put the time and effort into getting decent.)

- Have my own apartment again.. that links to the first item on my list :)

- Travel Europe. ( I have this plan that when I can afford it I am going to take a trip to Europe and meet my family in Greece and see theater shows in London) A girl can dream...

- Learn how to cook better. ( It's...just not my thing... yet.)

- Have a car again? ( If I work in NYC like I'd prefer to then I might not need it.. but if I stay local I will.)

- Have my own cabaret or sing in one.

- Get married. (THAT is completely in God's timing)

That's just a few things I'd like to do... but, if they don't work out I am still completely thankful for all of the blessings in my life that God has given to me.

- What would you like to accomplish? :)

Saturday, October 22, 2011

dealing with the past.






Why me? 

What was the purpose of that?

Those could be some of the feelings and thoughts you have after you have been taken advantage of.

I was pretty upset after that happened to me but I didn't know how to tell anyone. I kept it inside for over a year and thought it would just go away.

The flashbacks haunted me.

Until one night, I knew I had to face the memory...

I was in love.

 I had given my heart to someone and trusted that he had my best intentions in mind. I thought he loved me too and he would never hurt me and we'd be together for a long time.

 I was wrong.

I felt alone after we broke up. I thought no one could understand me.

I was angry at God too.

My dad was sick.. he went through two years of operations and dealing with confused doctors who were not sure of how to heal him.

I was looking for comfort in a man that would help me deal with my father's illness.

So I gave in. I gave in a lot.

I thought I deserved it.

I believed I deserved to be treated as a body and not as a person.

My feelings didn't matter, I was just there to please him.

So I kept the pain inside.

I didn't think God could heal that pain. I thought He was ashamed of me and that He turned on me so I stopped praying and putting Him first.

It took me a while to get out of that frame of thinking...

I kept it hidden. I thought about it a lot and how I was treated but I didn't really tell anyone.  I was embarrassed and I thought I deserved it.

I didn't deserve it. No one deserves that.

I've come to the conclusion that I went through that to talk to other people about it. It was a learning experience and it taught me how I want to be treated and how I want to be respected by a man.

It showed me the kind of relationship I am looking for and to value the relationship I have now.

God loves each and every one of us and has a plan for our lives.

He wants us to come to Him broken, bitter, and confused so He can restore us and show us the love He had for us all along. He never left us. He just wanted us to realize that.

If you're broken about your past, tell Him about it. He loves you dearly and can restore your sadness and cleanse the guilt and shame you may feel.

I had to be reminded of that. I'm still working out my past issues with Him and I will for a long time. But I now know, I am not alone in this. He is on my side and will walk me through my healing.

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."
Psalm 147:3

Monday, October 17, 2011

An afternoon in Hacklebarney Farm.

This Sunday, I got to spend the day with my boyfriend Michael and our church family in Hacklebarney Farm. It is an incredibly beautiful place. I went for a walk and took some pictures of the area. I can't wait
to go back :) God is pretty amazing, isn't He?

Thursday, October 6, 2011

my lovely sister!

It's a few days late but I wanted to wish my beautiful sister a happy birthday! I get so caught up with life sometimes that I forget about the people who truly matter to me. Amy is incredibly talented, smart and has one of the biggest hearts out of anyone I know. So happy 24th birthday my dear. You are  so amazing and I hope you never forget that. I love you sooo much!!! xoxo.