Is this it?

I don't know if you've ever come to a place in your life when you question existence and your calling...

I'm in that spot now. I finally have a full time job and I'm extremely grateful for that... but I know that's not what I'm here for. It's something much bigger than all that. I know it is.

I've been reading the book "The Barbarian Way" by Erwin Raphael McManus and in it it states " In the Barbarian Way, McManus calls you to return to the ancient, primal and dangerous faith of Jesus and His early disciples. Let go of a sanitized Christianity and get back to the powerful, raw, and ancient faith that chooses revolution over compromise, peril over safety, and passion over lukewarm and watered down religion."

Pretty cool, right?

And so I've been thinking more about calling and ministry...

My boyfriend and I have wanted to create a Christian theater company where we take Bible stories and turn them into contemporary musicals. We have all the resources...training, passion, talent and God on our side...

what's holding us or actually me back?


Fear.


As I'm writing this I have pandora on and the song "Yellow" came on by the band Coldplay and a lyric just popped out to me For you I bleed myself dry.  And I know Chris Martin wasn't thinking this as he wrote the song or even what this song is about.. I'm pretty sure it's about Gwenyth Paltrow or another girl.. but I thought of Jesus and how He bled on that cross for us. How he had so much fear but He knew that's what needed to be done.

In John 16:13 Jesus says...

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

Those words are extremely powerful.

I need to think about those words as I begin my calling in Christian theater ministry.. God already has our backs in this. What could stop us?

I also really like this passage in the book...

"Jesus is being lost in a religion bearing His name. People are being lost because they cannot reconcile Jesus' association with Christianity. Christianity has become docile, domesticated, civilized. We have forgotten that there is a kingdom of darkness stealing the hopes and dreams and souls of a humanity without God. It is time to hear the barbarian call, to form a barbarian tribe, and to unleash the barbarian revolt. Let the invasion begin..."

Our calling is not a glamorous one. Actually, it's going to be a tough road. Spreading the word of God is not an easy task. But I know Michael and I are willing to take on that challenge for we know it will be the most rewarding thing we can do with our lives.

I think a lot about this verse too from Luke 9:25

"What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self?"

We can have all the riches in the world... the house, the car, etc... but if we don't have Jesus as our savior we don't have anything at all.

Waiting.

The day finally came.

It's kind of mind blowing to talk about this, because I was starting to lose hope... but I got a job.

A full time, 9 to 5 in a law office.

The commute is absolutely amazing too. It's almost an exact year from when I graduated college that I am going to start working there. I'm so grateful to God, my boyfriend Michael, my family and friends who encouraged me along the way. Who never gave up on me, when I wanted to give up on myself. I can't say God didn't have his Hand in this because the circumstances are just too perfect for Him not to. The rejection period has ended ( for now) and I finally got my yes. :)


This year of waiting has been a crazy one. An emotional rollercoaster. I've set my heart on so many opportunities that didn't come through. But I also met a lot of great people along the way and had a lot of other opportunities that I wouldn't have had had I been working a full time job. So I'd say things happened for a reason.

God is patient when we are not. God is faithful when we have doubt. God always believes in us.


This is my time to do well and grow in a career and I couldn't be any more excited and grateful.

Romans 12:12

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.

Confession.

I strayed away from you.

I was in a tough spot. Nothing seemed to be going my way. Life wasn’t going as I planned and I thought I had it all figured out.

I kept getting hurt and tossed away.

 I gave my heart to so many guys. Guys who didn’t deserve it. Guys who took it for granted and spit it out like it was nothing.

When all you wanted from me was my love and devotion.

 I was looking for temporary satisfaction. Satisfaction that was artificial.

You were the furthest thing from my mind.

You had it all figured out.

I was lost. I was broken. I was confused. I was hurt.

But there you stood by my side calling me, begging me to be with you. To just believe in your word and your love for me.

I thought I was meaningless. My life didn’t matter.

You always knew I’d be back. You gave me some breathing room to grow and change. I had to experience things to know that it’s all temporary.

 The lust, alcohol, everything.

But you. You are eternal. You are never changing. And you are Almighty.

My God. My loving, gracious, beautiful God.

I’m sorry I stopped believing in you. I’m sorry I ever doubted you.

You never gave up on me. You always knew I’d return and I’d be singing your high praises.

Jesus, you are the truth, the life, and the way.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for never giving up on me. I never want to stray away from you again. Because without you…nothing matters.

Life has no meaning.

I want the world to know you.

I love you Jesus and this time I’m sticking around. For good.

 <3

Ch Ch Changes

Sorry I've been MIA. Got a new job and moved so life has been in transition mode. So thankful for all the blessings God has bestowed upon me the last couple of weeks. Have had a lot of prayers answered lately. So in celebration of my new job I bought myself a new dress and hat for spring. Pics are below.

My boyfriend took these pictures and he makes me laugh a lot.  :)

I'll be back to writing more soon... til then God Bless and take care. <3

Technology.

So I've been reading a few blogs lately that have been talking about the problems of technology and how we as a society are abusing it. When I look around places in public I tend to see the same thing all of the time.. people lost in their cell phones and not looking at what is around them.

The world is beautiful. It's filled with awesome wonder and I truly believe our cell phones, laptops, and whatever else we have is taking us away from all of the incredible creation.

Put the phone down for a day.

If you can't do it for a day, then put it down for a few hours and just observe. Talk to people. Try talking to them in person if possible. Look at what's around you.


This world is filled with amazing things.

Take a look at Genesis 1: 27-31.


God created mankind in his own image,  in the image of God he created them;  male and female he created them.
God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground.” 

Then God said, “I give you every seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth and every tree that has fruit with seed in it. They will be yours for food. And to all the beasts of the earth and all the birds in the sky and all the creatures that move along the ground—everything that has the breath of life in it—I give every green plant for food.” And it was so. 

God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. And there was evening, and there was morning—the sixth day. 


God created a beautiful world. A world filled with incredible people, plants, animals, architecture, oceans, etc...

Take the time to enjoy life. Enjoy the quiet moments. Observe your neighborhood.

I recently read this post from one of my favorite writers Jon Acuff, creator of the blog Stuff Christians Like which said...

"If you fill every minute of your life, eventually you’ll get empty.

Instead of getting one amazing thing done, you’ll get 12 things done poorly.

You’ll spread yourself so thin that you’ll eventually break down. Physically, emotionally, spiritually or mentally.

 Pick your poison, one area is going to collapse if you obsessively fill your life with noise and stress and getting “more” done.

Don’t wait for that happen.

Protect the quiet spaces in your day.

Fight for them. They’re elusive. Technology will chip away at them if you let it.

And your email and text messages can wait for 30 minutes while you jog. Or paint or think or walk.

I promise."




Relax. Enjoy life. Take time to embrace the world. It was made to be admired.

The big R.

Rejection.

I don't think anyone enjoys that word.

Whether it's a rejection letter, rejection from a guy or girl we like, or even rejection for a car or home loan...

It sucks.

I haven't had the easiest time dealing with it the past 8 months since I graduated from college.

I also know I'm not the only one going through it.

So what do we do in this waiting/transition period?

Do we get angry and say "well it's their loss...?"

We could. We could also become bitter about it too.

I'm choosing not to go down that road.

 I have my good days and my bad days. I've cried a lot too. But I know deep within me, there's a plan for me..

God isn't going to waste my gifts and not let me be used for His glory.

He's not going to waste yours either.

I think in the jobless/rejection periods of our lives we should focus on God and our loved ones.

Jobs can take up a lot of time.

Time that we aren't always guaranteed.

I'm going to use this time to devote myself to the One who created me.

I was reminded of this verse today as I was browsing the internet...

"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalms 139:14.

Read that again.

I  praise you because "I" am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

Isn't it amazing to know that the Creator of the Universe fearfully and wonderfully made you?

You who doesn't always believe in yourself.
You who doubts your dreams, hopes, and desires...

He thinks you're beautiful. That you are incredible, special and unique.

It's something I need to remind myself daily as I go through rejection after rejection letter.

I know there's a purpose for me as I know there's a purpose for you.

God doesn't just create mediocre people. He created you and He was thinking of you when He shed his blood on that cross... do you think He'd do that just for anybody?

Even if you have a job now, and you're so busy and you  just wish you were alone with your thoughts...

Or you're hurt because you can't get your dream car or home right now...

He's thinking about you. And he's really proud. Just like I know He's proud of me too.

Don't get discouraged, for we all have a purpose in this life. He has it written out. We just need to live and believe it.

A walk in the park.

No matter what season it is, the outside can be pretty beautiful. I took a walk yesterday with my brother in the park with his dog Sonya near our house. Below, are some pics from this gorgeous day. :)

Isn't she cute?! :)