To be a Christian.

Sometimes it's difficult to hear and read about what people think of Christians...

-That we're judge-mental.

-That we're always looking for money. (especially in Church)

-That we think they're going straight to Hell because of their sins.

- That we're better than they are.

-That they're weak and easily tempted.

As I'm writing this, I'm thinking about how I act and think...

I am FAR from perfect.

I judge a lot and sometimes I judge people before I even meet them.

I'm easily swayed by the world and I value my possessions a lot more than I should.

Sometimes I do think I'm better than others. ( sorry, just being honest)

-I sin all of the time. 

I need to stop this way of thinking and acting. I'm part of the problem. But then again.. no one is perfect. We as humans are not destined to be perfect. However, I believe we should strive to be more like Jesus who is absolutely perfect.  I am not called to judge. Thank God for that. 

If Christians cared more about the people than the building of a church, I think we'd be in a better place. Relationships should be the root of Christianity. Living outside of your bubble needs to become essential. Stop worrying about all of the rules of the religion and get down to the people. Jesus says to "love thy neighbor as yourself." Well... what does that entail? Do you make sure you can feed yourself, clothe yourself, and shelter yourself? Maybe not always... but I'm sure you do in some way. 

Stop the judging and bashing people who don't believe in the same things you do and love them anyway. Be there for them. That's what people remember and cherish. Not some long winded preach fest that sounds more like yelling than listening to the other person.

I'm going to try to do the same... but it's only through Jesus Christ that this can be accomplished.

It's only through Jesus that we can show the true essence of Christianity.

His timing.

"I hate my job."

"I want to get married."

"I want to have a baby."

"I want a raise."

"I want to move out of my parents."

"Why did they get that promotion?"

"Life sucks right now."


These could be some of the things you're going through at the moment... getting caught up in the stress. The agony of the every day mundane work routine. Feeling like the work week is an eternity.


I know I get lost in it.


I have a horrible conception of time. Two weeks to me feels like two years. Sometimes I need to stop and think about God's timing...


Two weeks are most likely two seconds to Him.

Sometimes I want to rush my life to get to the so called "greater" moments...

But what if the every day mundane work routine is preparing me for something better?

What if it's just a part of His plan to help me be the person he wants me to be?

Take it day by day. Time on this Earth is not guaranteed. Stop rushing your life. Those super exciting days will come but they'll come when He wants them to and He knows you're ready for it.


He said to them, It is not for you to become acquainted with and know what time brings [the things and events of time and their definite periods] or fixed years and seasons (their critical niche in time), which the Father has appointed (fixed and reserved) by His own choice and authority and personal power. Acts 1: 7

I am not hollow.

The sweat, tears and confusion.

Letting my body be used for a quick fix.

Believing the hole would be patched up with a feeling of  completeness.

A feeling of being empty on the inside.

Alone.

Bitter.

Scared.

"Come to me, Krystle." You said.

Let me wrap my arms around you.

And love you completely.

Let me void that hollowness.

For you are my child, my love.

And you are more than a one night stand.

You are my work of art. My creation. My masterpiece.

You are the reason I am who I am.

And I love you. Completely.

Let go, embrace me and just be.

My broken, beautiful girl.

My everything.

<3

Grateful.

Sorry I've been MIA. Moved into my very own place. This past year has been crazy and I am so so thankful for everything that has happened. Here's something I wrote about a week ago... :)




Stress.

That's all I seem to be feeling lately. Whether it's finances, future, friends and family. (Lot's of F's)

It overwhelms me. Consumes me to the point of obsession. What does it even mean? Life is passing by and nothing is guaranteed so why do I do this to myself? What's the point?

Grateful.

That needs to resonate with me more. That's what needs to consume me. However, I have this way of comparing myself to others. I always want/need what the other person has.

It's stupid.

And yet, here I am still thinking about people who I think have it all together.

They don't. No one does.

There's a lot of crap out there and we let ourselves get wrapped up in it.

Me especially.

Let it go Krystle, breathe.

You're alive. You're a child of the King.

Everything will be ok.

Everything is ok.

Things work out.

They always do.

Life works out.

God is with you.

He always has been.

He loves you more than you'll ever know.

You have SO much to be grateful for.

Forget the past. Don't worry about the future.

Be in the present.

BE present.

That's all you need to know.

Like the Bob Marley song says..." Every little thing is gonna be alright."

:0)

Is this it?

I don't know if you've ever come to a place in your life when you question existence and your calling...

I'm in that spot now. I finally have a full time job and I'm extremely grateful for that... but I know that's not what I'm here for. It's something much bigger than all that. I know it is.

I've been reading the book "The Barbarian Way" by Erwin Raphael McManus and in it it states " In the Barbarian Way, McManus calls you to return to the ancient, primal and dangerous faith of Jesus and His early disciples. Let go of a sanitized Christianity and get back to the powerful, raw, and ancient faith that chooses revolution over compromise, peril over safety, and passion over lukewarm and watered down religion."

Pretty cool, right?

And so I've been thinking more about calling and ministry...

My boyfriend and I have wanted to create a Christian theater company where we take Bible stories and turn them into contemporary musicals. We have all the resources...training, passion, talent and God on our side...

what's holding us or actually me back?


Fear.


As I'm writing this I have pandora on and the song "Yellow" came on by the band Coldplay and a lyric just popped out to me For you I bleed myself dry.  And I know Chris Martin wasn't thinking this as he wrote the song or even what this song is about.. I'm pretty sure it's about Gwenyth Paltrow or another girl.. but I thought of Jesus and how He bled on that cross for us. How he had so much fear but He knew that's what needed to be done.

In John 16:13 Jesus says...

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

Those words are extremely powerful.

I need to think about those words as I begin my calling in Christian theater ministry.. God already has our backs in this. What could stop us?

I also really like this passage in the book...

"Jesus is being lost in a religion bearing His name. People are being lost because they cannot reconcile Jesus' association with Christianity. Christianity has become docile, domesticated, civilized. We have forgotten that there is a kingdom of darkness stealing the hopes and dreams and souls of a humanity without God. It is time to hear the barbarian call, to form a barbarian tribe, and to unleash the barbarian revolt. Let the invasion begin..."

Our calling is not a glamorous one. Actually, it's going to be a tough road. Spreading the word of God is not an easy task. But I know Michael and I are willing to take on that challenge for we know it will be the most rewarding thing we can do with our lives.

I think a lot about this verse too from Luke 9:25

"What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self?"

We can have all the riches in the world... the house, the car, etc... but if we don't have Jesus as our savior we don't have anything at all.

Waiting.

The day finally came.

It's kind of mind blowing to talk about this, because I was starting to lose hope... but I got a job.

A full time, 9 to 5 in a law office.

The commute is absolutely amazing too. It's almost an exact year from when I graduated college that I am going to start working there. I'm so grateful to God, my boyfriend Michael, my family and friends who encouraged me along the way. Who never gave up on me, when I wanted to give up on myself. I can't say God didn't have his Hand in this because the circumstances are just too perfect for Him not to. The rejection period has ended ( for now) and I finally got my yes. :)


This year of waiting has been a crazy one. An emotional rollercoaster. I've set my heart on so many opportunities that didn't come through. But I also met a lot of great people along the way and had a lot of other opportunities that I wouldn't have had had I been working a full time job. So I'd say things happened for a reason.

God is patient when we are not. God is faithful when we have doubt. God always believes in us.


This is my time to do well and grow in a career and I couldn't be any more excited and grateful.

Romans 12:12

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.

Confession.

I strayed away from you.

I was in a tough spot. Nothing seemed to be going my way. Life wasn’t going as I planned and I thought I had it all figured out.

I kept getting hurt and tossed away.

 I gave my heart to so many guys. Guys who didn’t deserve it. Guys who took it for granted and spit it out like it was nothing.

When all you wanted from me was my love and devotion.

 I was looking for temporary satisfaction. Satisfaction that was artificial.

You were the furthest thing from my mind.

You had it all figured out.

I was lost. I was broken. I was confused. I was hurt.

But there you stood by my side calling me, begging me to be with you. To just believe in your word and your love for me.

I thought I was meaningless. My life didn’t matter.

You always knew I’d be back. You gave me some breathing room to grow and change. I had to experience things to know that it’s all temporary.

 The lust, alcohol, everything.

But you. You are eternal. You are never changing. And you are Almighty.

My God. My loving, gracious, beautiful God.

I’m sorry I stopped believing in you. I’m sorry I ever doubted you.

You never gave up on me. You always knew I’d return and I’d be singing your high praises.

Jesus, you are the truth, the life, and the way.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for never giving up on me. I never want to stray away from you again. Because without you…nothing matters.

Life has no meaning.

I want the world to know you.

I love you Jesus and this time I’m sticking around. For good.

 <3